Doing Business with the French Course
Discovered that, unfortunately, slitting their throats isn't an option. Did come to the conclusion that France is wasted on the French however. Confirmed by 5 independent sources today.

Grime Increase
Some rather fine examples spotted today
"HONK IF YOU ARE GAY" (we didn't...not that there is anything wrong with that)
"OLD MAN" (spotted back of white transit lorry)

Recovering Vegetarian
Hmmmm. Angus beef Steak Burgers........Chicken Madras awaits

Life in the Slow Lane   What is wrong with the motorway network in this country? OK so its Monday School Easter Holidays are Over It's Raining A truck had rolled over on the M25 blocking two Lanes Clockwise and causing delays back to J4 and 3 mile tailback on the M26  A car collided with a motorcyclist just before J7 (Clockwise) closing another two lanes At least Terry Wogan was stuck in a similar jam on the other side of London

Seems the whole world was stuck in a traffic jam this morning including Togemeister Wogan.

Life In the Fast Lane Splendid journey only last 1.1 Plays of the Foo Fighters Debut Album. Grime Grime today had a footballing theme. there was one very artistic reworking of "Clean Me" which was transformed into a scruffy "Chelsea". Large Red removal lorry (south bound M23) displayed "COV CITY FC".
	David Grohls's Foo's Debeut providing today's journet timing.

Grime Report Grime Graffiti is back. A splendid face of a pig on the back of a loft installation van, West bound M20. Life in the Slow Lane Must be Pheasant season...3 perfect road kill specimens in the central reservation of the M26. Slightly foggy this morning. Time delay: Two rather breathy plays of Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush's - Don't Give up.
	Hideously deformed and incredibly ugly woman, Kate Bush, provided a Breathy Delay timing today.

Jaguar 2.5 Owners
If you are going to pretend your driving a Rover 75, save 20UKP and get the rectangular number plate for the rear of your vehicle

Rover 75 Owners
If you are going to pretend that your driving a Jaguar, then please spend the extra 20UKP and get the appropriately shaped rear number plate, instead of the standard rectangular one.

IT'S BACK (sorta)
Well they call it 'Rebel Yell', but hey Virgin Radio is back playing decent music on Saturday nights again...

Deck of Cards

"When I see the Eight, I am not reminded of the number of Apache Helicopters firing Missiles at my hideout...there are no Apache helicopters here and I am not hiding..nor should you" - Mohammed Saeed Al-Shahaf, Iraqi Minister of Information, curiously missing from the  The DoD Iraqi "Deck of Cards"
	8 of Spades Tariq Aziz...not yesterday

Little Victory
2p left in Coffee Machine for yummy campachino. Net profit 2p.

Same Voice?
Sir Richard Branson, whispering Bob Harris and Tony Blair?

Al Jazeera Television
Is Arabic read from left to Right or Right to Left? When Al Jazeera clips are broadcast on Western television News stations, the scrolling ticker goes both left-to-right and right-to-left and it speeds up and slows down.

Little Defeat
Vending machine failed to dispense packet of Polo Mints. Net Loss 22p.

Life In the Slow Lane
Must be summer, two Kosovo refugees spotted on the Kentish sections of the M20 and it's tributaries

Little Victory
Inserted 20p for frothy campachino, noticed 2p left in machine, pressed the change button expected 4p change, received 24p in return. Net profit 1 cup of campachino + 4p.

Oh for $26,0000

It could've been mine. I missed the third auction. All three of his Jesters have now been sold at auction and are in private collectors hands

Life In The Slow Lane
Top Tip: If any juggernaut drivers ever do read this blog, may I recommend that you always take the first exit slip lane onto the M26 and not the second one, like the Italian driver did this morning, who could then barely get past the Dutch lorry on the inside lane travelling at 0.25mph slower.

Reduction in Grime Figures
No grime graffiti to report to day, but I did learn that AMOY Soya Sauce is used in 9 out 10 Chinese restaurants. A worrying advertising slogan, seeing as 8 out 10 owners said, their cats avoid Chinese restaurants like the proverbial plague.

Accept no Substitutes
The 24-bit remastered CD series of Blondie's back catelogue is essential. My original copy of "Parallel Lines" will soon hit coffee mat status.

Looting in Baghdad
Anyone remember that scene in "The Rutles" when the offices of "Rutle Corp" were looted?

Polymer Poisoning
Well it seems that there are no ill effects from the plastic tasting campachino ingested yesterday. This is fortunate, as I've just realised it's Friday. Nothing worse than having food poisoning in your own time.

Current Spins
White Stripes - Elephant ****1/2
The The - Infected *****
Placebo- Sleeping with Ghosts **** (finally a Plecebo album that sounds different)
Blondie - Plastic Letters ***** [the one every forgets...DH never sounded better than on "Fan Mail"]
Eminem - Marshall Mathers **** (I gave in...he's good)
Marc Almond & Foetus Slut - Flesh Volcano (** for the album but ****** for the name)

Current DAB Station: Planet Rock.....as always
Fave Sky Digi Station: VH1 Classics
Purchase of the Week: Zoom 606
Highlight of the Week: Discovering that the Zoom 606 has a patch that mimics Jimmy's sound on "For Your Life" (complete with pitch shift).

"You Foreign Criminals..."

May Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf get his own cable television chat show. This site is awesome.

"Never Thought I'd See They Day"
Rush's "The Spirit of Radio" played during Jonnie Walker's 'cruisin''...............AWESOME!!!!! Radio 2 came alive today.

DAB #3

It maybe the worlds smallest DAB radio (at the moment), but thankfully it includes an FM radio. It seems DAB has problems penetrating this steel, concrete, dungeon that is my place of work.

Strange Day
Snow. Anglo-French Concord.Campachino tasted like plastic....could be good for a few days off. Stay tuned for potential outbreak polymer induced coffee poisoning.

Life in the Slow Lane
Delays M23 Southbound this morning, gawping at the accident North bound between J9/J8. Delay: 4 songs on "Wake Up To Wogan".

Little Victories
7p found in change dispenser whilst buying cup of campachino.

"Sing up Beany"
Are Portsmouth FC really sponsered by Beanie Baby manufacturer TY?

Rare Urban Sight
Pheasant trying to dodge the traffic on Manor Royal Industrial Estate.

Silly Defeat
Selected "own cup" option on frothy cup of campachino, only forgot "own cup". Net loss 18p as liquid poured directly into drip tray.

Petty Grime
A rather uninspiring "Clean Me". White logistics lorry South bound M23

Life in the Slow Lane
Splendid decision made jointly by West Sussex County Council and the Highways Agency to reduce the roundabout at J10 of the M23 down to one lane. This coupled with the fact that said roundabout has traffic lights on it as well, caused a fantastic jam this morning of approximately 5 miles, extending back beyond J9. Another three weeks of motorway agency madness awaits.