Friday, January 30, 2004

Life in the Slow Lane
One mile tailback on M23 at J10 both directions, due barrier repairs on Crawley Avenue. After 30 mins of queing and fuming and thinking West Sussex County Council Highways Department really did have "sh*t for brains", was humbled by the vision of the said barrier contorted out of shape and overhanging into the 2nd lane of the carriageway.
Time Delay: 5 plays of Sheryl Crow - "It Don't Hurt"

Sheryl Crow (far too talented for her own good) providing the journey time delay measuring technique today

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Lapsed "Man of Ethics"
I try not to buy Nestle products. Click here to see why, but when the urge for a Kit-Kat hits (35p, correct change given) , there is no stopping it. However, during my approximate 5 year self imposed ban I have discovered that Kit-Kats are no longer foil wrapped (plastic vacuum pack) and they have "One for Me" and/or "One for You" embossed on the chocolate.
I ate the lot in the time it took to Blog this.
Great Mysteries of Life
Why is it you never here Rush fans demanding to hear "The Fountain of Lamneth" performed live?

Much underplayed live. A Necromancer contemplating his Didacts and Narpets... yesterday

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Frenck Leuboqrds
Qs I sit here in GDN I qn puxxeled by th efqct thqt leyboqrds qre not stqndqrd in their lqyout/ Still the zine is free qnd itùs only "( :ins before the trqin depqrts/

Friday, January 23, 2004

Life In The Slow Lane: A Nice Morning Drive
An uninspiring "Morning Drive" as I drove in. Another day where I had to Roll the Bones and earn some Big Money. "Entre Nous" I'd rather be following my Freewill and being doing something Closer To The Heart. The Mystic Rhythms persist but this inner Analogue Kid is trying to be a New World Man and Resist the urge to be a Digital Man. But for this Working Man, the Limelight has to wait. Circumstances prevail and it's a Marathon ordeal. 

In The End, I'm just Finding My Way and end up being Nobodies Hero. I'm Here Again, I'm really not In The Mood, but you don't get Something For Nothing; oh for Time to Stand Still.
No Red Barchettas were spotted. It wasn't 21:12. My Battlescars are showing.

Is "Rush In Rio" possibly the finest live album since "Strangers in the Night"?

Mean, Mean Stride.
Professor Neil Peart providing this mornings soundtrack to life. We are not worthy.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Little Victory
Sweet tasting cup of hot Campachino 18p;
Inserted 20p;
Returned 4p;
Net Gain 2p

2004 Running Total -13p

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Life in the Slow Lane
Bit of rain and it turns to carnage. Special mentions to the small white hatchback dumped into the ditch by the side of the M25 Kent/Surrey section this morning (looked like the culprit was yet another member of the European haulage industry) and the sole Blue Mondeo with a disintegrated rear bumper, M25/M23 intersection this morning. The large piece of juggernaut debris on the off-slip at the M25 J7 probably explains this fibre-glass shattering incident.
Time Delay: 3 Plays or Tori Amos "Baker Baker"

The simply devine Tori Amos, providing this mornings travel delay timing

Griminal Offence
"----- ---- ------ BREAKFAST --- 95.6 ----" back of white transit van, southern regions of the M23. First rule of grime writing... make complicated messages legible.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Love Grime
"HS 4 JC" it said on the back of a red Volkswagon golf (1.6).
Once upon a time I used to have a teaspoon in my works mug. A proper metal one. This I finally lost approximately 3 years ago after it successfully followed me in my career since 1985. Rather than buy a replacement spoon, I have relied on a succession of plastic spoons from the canteen. The longevity of these varies, especially when placed in very hot water. The spoon bends in a variety of distorted directions, making each successive use a new and rewarding experience. My final 'teaspoon' snapped in the cup yesterday, leaving me with the only free alternative from the canteen... a rather splendid plastic desert spoon. Now this may seem odd, bearing in mind I'm using it for coffee, but even odder, is that this is the only type of spoon available to eat a variety of potted products. A yogurt can last as many as 4 spoonfuls.
When I say coffee, it also includes Green Tea with Lemongrass.

Friday, January 16, 2004

Who was #1 clonemeister on the planet describing as...

"an oversexed Transit heater dies on Monday" ?

for the answer click here
Unusual Grime
"RACH WAS ERE", inscribed not on the side of a grubby Transit Van, but on a the side of White Renault Laguna. Low quality message, but in a unusual location. Rare to see an inscription on the side of a "normal" vehicle, instead of the usual light/heavy haulage vehicles. One assumes "RACH" is a female, which in itself is unusual. Past evidence suggests these "witty" messages are the work of the under-educated, hungover, tabloid reading citizens of the transit industry. For example, one particular truck witnessed over the holiday period had "I SLEEP WITH MY MUM" etched in the dirt. Now, unless the said driver was exhibiting a proud exceptance of his Oedipusic lifestyle, one can only imagine the type of colleague that would scribe such a slogan... just try for 30 seconds to imagine... are you laughing yet?

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Breezes Update
Now, you may remember that the washroom originally held two air blowing hand dryers
1) The fast blowing cold air
2) The weak puffing warm air

You may also remeber that Bemuddlement carried out a deep scientific test on the effectiveness of the different types (see December 8 post).

Well Dryer 1 has been removed and replaced with a duplicate version of Dryer 2, just as ineffective. Watch this space.
Yes, I've changed the font. Yet to decide whether the main site should trundle down the dull Arial route. Was starting to think that Verdana was sooooooooooo 2003!
Little Defeat
Sweet tasting cup of hot Campachino 18p;
Inserted £1;
Returned 62p;
Net LOSS!!!! 20p

2004 Running Total -15p

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Little Victory
1 packet Walkers Crisps (Ready Salted) 28p;
Inserted 50p;
Returned 23p;
Net profit 1p;

2004 Total Profit: 5p

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Nixie Clocks
Seems these are the new retro for 2004. I so want one of these. More wonderful examples of 1960's digitalia


Object of Desire 2004

Friday, January 09, 2004

Little Victory
Strong Black Coffee (No Sugar) 18p;
Inserted 20p;
Returned 4p;
Net Profit 2p;

2004 Running Total: +4p

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Little Victory
Campachino 18p;
Inserted 20p;
Returned 4p;
Net Profit 2p;

2004 Running Total: +2p

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Little Defeat
Tasty cup of Campachino 18p
Inserted 20p
Returned... nothing
Net Loss 2p

... and my Jaffa Cakes (35p, correct change given) are slightly stale... stop laughing out there.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Car Sticker
One is puzzled at the mentality of someone who would place a a car sticker in their rear window, in the style of the Nestle Kit Kat logo "Have a Break, Have a Kwik Krap".
Spotted rear window red transit.

Monday, January 05, 2004

Little Victory
First one of 2004. Tasty cup of vending maching campachino 18p; Inserted 50p; Returned 34p; Net profit 2p.
Hand Dryer #1 (the fast blowing cold air blower) has been removed leaving Hand Dryer #2 (the slow puffing warm air blower). Hand drying time 1 min 30 seconds.
First Post of 2004
Well I'm not going mad, it really was darker this morning (as I made the terrible journey on the UK motorways). For an explanation, click here