"Is it me...?"

Dear Mr Motorway Service Station Owner,
I'm no professional complainer, but I do feel I should bring to your attention the miserable experience I had in your establishment on the M4 yesterday. Rather than highlight the whole sorry story, blow by blow, here are some positive, improvement recommendations. I'll leave you to fill in the gaps...

• I accept that the price of petrol is several pence higher than my local garage, but at £1.99 for a cup of "Regular" Americano coffee I estimate that comes to approximately £30 a gallon. Here is where the comparison ends, however one does expect a coffee to be produced in a little faster time than it takes to fill up with 10 Gallons of diesel.
• When it's 30c outside, please keep the doors and windows shut and let the air conditioning do it's job. This will reduce the number of flies in the eating area and make the large array of uncovered cakes on show, far more appealing to potential customers. Would it then be possible to place English/Serbo-Croat phrase books amongst the complimentary coffee stained editions of the Daily Mirror, in order that patrons can make themselves fully understood to your employees with regards to this hygiene risk.
• The digital display board claimed that the gentleman's washroom had been inspected "34" ago. One can only assume, from the state of the said facilities, that the units to be applied to that figure must be hours (or possibly, days).....