Digital Television Explained

The other evening, whilst enjoying another gripping episode of "Deal or No Deal" (which I daily pre-record and watch at four times speed over my evening meal), the present Mother-in-Law telephoned BuddlementTowers in a distressed state, wondering why she couldn't get a clear picture for Channel Five and QVC on her Digibox. The reason for her angst was that she couldn't get her weekly dose of Gary Sinise in CSI:New York and had to content herself with Hugh Edwards on the Nine O'clock news discussing the 210 kilos of Russian Polo mints (again).

I quickly identified her predicament as a clear case of poor reception on one particular multiplexer or MUX; however how can one easily explain this to someone not familiar with finer technicalities of modern broadcast television? I quickly came up with a simple analogy and I thought the technically challenged amongst you, may find the explanation I gave, of use.

"Let us compare television to toothpaste.

Analogue television is rather like brushing your teeth with a simple mono-colour toothpaste (such Colgate freshmint... other toothpastes are available). You select a channel (or toothpaste) and clean using a toothbrush (or television set). However, what if you only had multi-striped toothpaste (such as Aquafresh), but yet still wanted to enjoy the same, simple delights of a mono-coloured dental cleaning product? This is where the Digibox comes in. A Digibox separates the multiplexed toothpaste into it's constituent parts (or channels). Multiple channels (or toothpaste stripes) are broadcast on the same multiplexer (or toothpaste tube) and arrive on your Digibox or bathroom shelf. The user (or Digibox) would then delicately de-multiplex, or separate, each stripe on the bathroom shelf, into single strands of red toothpaste (Channel Five), blue toothpaste (QVC) and white toothpaste (Bidup TV), before placing them onto separate individual toothbrushes, or slots in the Electronic Programme Guide (EPG). The viewer, then selects the appropriate toothbrush, unaware of the other multiple channels, or toothbrushes. These toothbrushes are all broadcast on the same MUX or toothpaste tube. If however, your tube of Aquafresh emerges in a single strand of purple toothpaste, the digibox cannot decode the toothpaste into the separate channels and Gary Sinise, ends up looking like one of those pixilated villans as seen on the excellent ITV programme "Police, Camera, Action!""

I hope this makes things clearer.

"Is it me...?"

Dear Mr Motorway Service Station Owner,
I'm no professional complainer, but I do feel I should bring to your attention the miserable experience I had in your establishment on the M4 yesterday. Rather than highlight the whole sorry story, blow by blow, here are some positive, improvement recommendations. I'll leave you to fill in the gaps...

• I accept that the price of petrol is several pence higher than my local garage, but at £1.99 for a cup of "Regular" Americano coffee I estimate that comes to approximately £30 a gallon. Here is where the comparison ends, however one does expect a coffee to be produced in a little faster time than it takes to fill up with 10 Gallons of diesel.
• When it's 30c outside, please keep the doors and windows shut and let the air conditioning do it's job. This will reduce the number of flies in the eating area and make the large array of uncovered cakes on show, far more appealing to potential customers. Would it then be possible to place English/Serbo-Croat phrase books amongst the complimentary coffee stained editions of the Daily Mirror, in order that patrons can make themselves fully understood to your employees with regards to this hygiene risk.
• The digital display board claimed that the gentleman's washroom had been inspected "34" ago. One can only assume, from the state of the said facilities, that the units to be applied to that figure must be hours (or possibly, days).....

Song's I never Get Tired of Hearing #00001

Three Day's - Jane's Addiction : From the moment Perry Farrell whispers the beginning, to the finale 10 minutes and 48 seconds later. More mood changes than most artists have in a career.

You Know I Could Listen To..... #0001

The genius that is Lindsey Buckingham, all day.

Unnoticed Obvious #0001

Every now and then something crops up in converstaion that makes me realise something that should've been blatently obvious. Welcome to the first in this irregular series.

Today someone was referred to using a term from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". The term was "Kerr-nig-itt" (a phrase uttered by the tauning French sentry man, whilst hurling insults at King Arthur and his Knights).... I then realised that this man's surname (being Knight) was the realise a colleague used this term of endearment.

"So "kerr-nig-itt" and Knight are the same thing ?", I asked
"Errrrr..... yes", my colleague repsonded

Estimating that I first saw the Holy Grail around 1980, this joke has taken 26 years for me to get.

"Little Victories" - A Homage

One regular feature on this blog, is that of "Little Victories", those odd little highlights during the day when one feels one is 'winning' in life. Usually this means finding 5p left in the coffee machine, or an under priced bag of crisps in the vending machine.
What you probably don't know is that I took the phrase from "Porridge", a UK sit-com from the 1970's starring Ronnie Barker.
Sadly, this week, Ronnie Barker died at the age of 76. His writing, comedy and acting talents made his craft look easy. The legacy of the work he willleave behind is enourmous and will entertain generations to come.

Listening Post #0001

Overheard in Post office queue

Mother: No use looking at those birthday cards you've missed his birthday
Child 1 : Oh! I'll be 13 next birthday
Child 2 : I'll be 11
Mother : And I'll be 27!

Am I Getting Old #0002
Spotted this in a "High Fashion" establishment in Crawley (yes such things do exist). Can someone explain what type of person would wear this???

How about that? Blogger can now post images :-). To commerate this event, here's a lovely picture taken on the K750i of a sunset over Walton-on-Thames last week (as viewed from the Swan Public House)

Am I Getting Old...?

E-mail I sent to local radio station today

"I am writing to you in connection with a publicity stunt on the Running Horse roundabout in Maidstone, that I believe to be connected with your radio station. This caused considerable inconvenience to many people who use that roundabout, either to access the London bound M20 or to get into Maidstone itself. I shall explain.

As I joined the A229 this morning, from Burham, at approx 8am, I had to queue to get onto Bluebell Hill, an occurrence that only usually happens when there has been an accident. During the 15 minutes it took me to travel the 1 mile from the Shell garage to the Running Horse Roundabout, I witnessed two incidents that nearly resulted in motor vehicle collisions and one incident of "road rage". These all occurred directly in front of me and as a consequence of the traffic build-up. Drivers attempted to jump the queue of traffic or had to negotiate blocked exits on slip roads and roundabouts approaching the Running Horse roundabout.

At the roundabout, I discovered the reason for the delay. On the grass verge, was a vehicle festooned with Invicta Radio insignia and two young men enacting a Star Wars light sabre fight. I believe one was dressed as Obi-Won Kenobi (Episode 1-3 era) and the other as Darth Vader, who incidentally was the weediest Darth Vader I have ever had the displeasure to see. This was deemed considerable enough distraction by motorists, to slow down and cause the build up of traffic.

I'm no "killjoy" but I do think that this stunt was ill-conceived, reckless and potentially dangerous. Traffic at that roundabout is often very busy and requires drivers to concentrate fully on the road. The delay it caused to my journey this morning was frustrating, annoying and needless.

In the future please consider the impact such events have on road users, particularly during rush-hour, when many of us simply want to get from our homes to our place of work."

I'm No Neil Peart #00003


8:47am... the CD kicks in "Another piece of Meat", boy those Teutons can play. They sounded good with Schenker on lead... but if I was Maths Jabs I'd have been well pi55ed off continually making way for the rhythm guitarists brother. I pass a squished fox... I tell you.. it's not fox hunting they sound be banning but motorways, more foxes get killed on the M25 than they do by the Sevenoaks and Berlin Hunting Pink Fox Ripper Hunt. Dave would love this album... real nostalgia.. don't recall it in his ripped CD catalogue he sent me, but then I have 10MB limit on e-mail traffic, I only got A-E and I know how hard it is getting e-mails out of prison... surpassingly harder than getting letters boobie trapped with razor blades it would seem. Still it was nice to get that monogrammed mail sack for Xmas... only 3 more years of his sentence to go... he'll be out by June. I get distracted by the artwork on the "Lovedrive" cover and desperately search the booklet for the rear cover artwork... alas it is not included..."Hey let's go.. don't put on a show.." mind you the show they did put is awesome... it's hard to forget the sight of Rudi Schenker, Francis Bassplayer and Kleine Guitarist forming a human pyramid on stage at the Liver Damage Odeon in December '89... 8:53am "Coast to Coast"... it's an instrumental! Why call it "Coast to Coast" I'd have called it "Toast to Toast" far funnier... I think of Mr Toast and his obsession with heated oxidised bread and the various toppings/methods of oxidising... I quickly think of something else... wonder if it's called "Kist nacho Kist" in Germany... America maybe Wunderbar but is Potters Bar America? Unlikely....

I'm No Neil Peart... #00002

"Ikhnaton And Itsacon And Their Band Of Merry Men"

It's a damp steely morning on the M23 slip road leaving the M25, I'm 15 miles from my destination "I Know What I Like (In my Wardrobe)" straining away, "Me I'm just a lawnmower", I smile, remember that Genesis used to play as "Under the Garden Wall" at secret warm up gigs. "Six saintly shrouded men move across the lawn slowly" Essex Radio... the only copy I had of "Supper's Ready" for years was the one I taped off Essex Radio. Was that the night Schenker the goldfish got a mention, probably not. What was this guy on? "Dad diddley office, Dad diddley office", glad I'm not eating this supper, I thought the nightmares started after you eat not before. Apocalypse In 9/8... there was a time when I knew every single biblical reference in this verse, now I just wished I hadn't and I wish it were a pure stream of Gabriel consciousness. I write another letter to Dave, I ask him where he stashed the 75,000 CDs the police couldn't account for. A pheasant flies across the motorway at a height of 4 feet... evolution will sort that flight pattern out for sure...

I'm No Neil Peart #00001

"There I was stuck in another interminable jam on the M25. The strains of "Home by the Sea" were just starting. How I wish I were home by the sea now, instead of sitting behind N.Dentrsangle, W.Betz and E.Stobbart. E.Stobbart, now there is a name to conjure with, sounds like a Dickensian poet, or is that Poet of Dickens... I forget which side of the Medway I am on. Phil starts singing
'Creeping up the blind side, shinning up the wall...." for some strange reason I have visions of my dearest friend doing some bizarre mime to these lyrics... I must ask him if he remembers that next time I visit him in Prison. Poor Dave, how many people get prosecuted for copying the entire music section in the Edinburgh library system. Damn you Sony, Damn you EMI, Damn you Warners. Still Warners make good cartoons and without the wacky incidental music from the 1930's we would never had "La Villa"... poor Alex... wonder when his trail is coming up. Visions of Metallica playing "St Anger" in San Quentin prison pop into my brain, as quickly as that piece of juggernaut tyre flew up into the motor cyclists face 4 cars in front. Just as pass him sprawling on the floor I see a Pheasant squished on the floor; that's 3 pheasants and 2.5 foxes this morning alone, what is going on?....." (to be continued)

I'm Still Alive

Don't fret. I haven't forgotten how to blog. Update since 24-AUG.

Boston, Upgrade, Lobster, Rush (Wembley), Rush (Birmingham), Cotwolds, Manchester, Thame, Credit Card Thefts, Paris > UK > Paris > UK, Chakra, Creative Labs Zen.

I know I need to update the "Currently Reading", I know I need to update "Currently Listening". I know I need to update Bemuddlement. Stay tuned.

Long Time No Post


Quick update of the last 7 weeks, in no order at all: Northern Ireland, gallbladder, decorating, life laundry, kestral, Bockets Farm, golf, Manchester, saucepans, quiz, smoked garlic, BBQ, fish, mirror.